Wednesday, February 13, 2013

the multigenerational home has yet to be completed, however the multigenerational lifestyle is in full force

my younger brother, who is one of the loves of my life, is a single father. not by choice or a custodial fight. my nephew was abandoned by his mother 9 yrs ago when he was just 4 months old. my sisters, my mother, and i were all his primary caretakers while he was an infant and toddler and my brother was following a military path to try to create a better life for he and his son. in the years that followed, my b thought he had found a suitable mother-figure for his son, and married her. he was incorrect. the n was not abused, just not nurtured in the way that he would have been had he been with us. they divorced a few years ago.

my b returned to the tribe 2 years ago, but has been ill equipt with the tools he needs for his son. my sisters, mom, my teenagers, and i have stepped right back in as maternal role models and nurturers, but attempt to leave the bottom line responsibilities to my b.

the n has taken to acting out to include lying and sneaky behavior. while considering his muddled past as a possible contribution to this behavior, i am slow to enable him to have excuses for behavior. he is surrounded by love and good examples.

without bragging, i take the mothering of my children as quite an honor and extend that to include him. my children are 19, 17, and 15 my bonus kids are 18 and 16 and i have raised them in a laid back fashion that may resemble a hippie or european vibe. hysterical, i know, coming from a libertarian. but i feel that while competition and success are wildly important, the home is a place to feel safe and unconditionally loved. my kids all do well in school, sports, and socially. they succeed in all aspects such as being on homecoming court, varsity athletic success, part time jobs, and elections to various officer roles in their other extra-cirricular activities.

my b has given me the trust, freedom, and respect to co-parent his son in this fashion, but i've lost several years of the process while the child was not influenced by me.

i'm rambling now, mostly in frustration.

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