Tuesday, March 19, 2013

my girl..

like any normal mothers and daughter, we have our moments but more often than not i actually enjoy my girls adn find them fascinating.

last night my middle girl, abby, rocked the basketball court. not more than any other girl EVER, i'm not one of those parents. i am clear that all my kids are just run of the mill kids and i like myself for knowing that.

side thought.. i wish more other people would realize that there are actually very few phenoms..and your kid isn't one of them...wait...saving that thought for another blog

back to abby and her game last night... keep in mind that the girl in this story is a whoping 5'3" and 108 lbs dripping wet. one of the smallest JV players

i have always said that the life lessons learned in sports are soooooo valueable. Last night as we took on one of the bitchiest, nastiest, and dirtiest high school in our area my daughter (and her team mates) fought fearlessly for their win. she isn't the best shot, she rarely hits the 3 pointer and for some reason free throws aren't her thing either. she is a good defender and played to her strengths. even after having a punch thrown at her, she was fierce. she was determined. they were determined. and they did whatever it took to get that win. which they did.

i will be proud to send that young woman out into the world in a few years if she carries that determination

Thursday, February 14, 2013

i am one of these super lucky chicks who has 5 great teenage kids. great kids with some dumb a** moments like all kids. they all have their things and sometimes rack my nerves, like all kids.

my middle child is my youngest daughter. middle children can go a couple different ways. she's got a rebellous streak. she's stubborn. and more importantly she is brilliant, complex, knows herself, and can differentiate people and things that matter from those that do not. wow right? i don't think i got that skill until i was well into my 20's. i was very idealistic and wanted to help everyone i possibly could whether they wanted it or not. (oldest child thing)

not my boo. she's got the makings of an amazing woman because she is already several steps ahead of where most of us were at that age.

with this incredible self assurance comes the haters. not loving that. most of the time she handles it better than i do. she can blow them off because they don't count.

apparently last night was not one of those nights. i found her crying. this child hasn't cried since she was 2 or 3 and that was a tantrum to get her way before all the vocab came in.

as i was holding my 17 yr old in my arms, which i rarely get to do for long, and stroking her hair as she sobbed .....

the momma bear inside me ROARED.

apparently she had been the victim of cyber-bullying to an extent that shocked me. i used to teach high school. trust me, i do not shock easily. as the story goes, girl A thinks that she did something with her boyfriend. Girl A tells girls B, C, D, E, etc. they were filling her facebook with words that are so strong and nansty that you would have to watch some XXX to hear this verbage. i'm am the last thing from a prude. i was a sailor for gawd sakes, so you get my point.

here's the thing. EVEN if my daughter had done any of these things in a consensual physical relationship (or one nighter) what kind of a pathetic girl A would fight to stay with a boy who participated in such behavior with another girl.

and that is the conversation that me and the boo had. how low must this girl think of herself to shame herself publically like that.

would you ever ridicule the girl that your boy messed around with while standing by your boy....IN HIGH SCHOOL. i get the thing if its a 30 yr marriage with kids, grandkids, and a mortgage. but damn. highschool. what kind of a dumb ass are you to attempt to belittle a girl and write all these ficticious things on her facebook that you think she did WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. hello!! you are humiliating yourself. dumb ass. a part (the b*#ch part) of me kind of wishes that she would have made out with him (not to the extent of the accusations)

so the PMS that caused the crying passes. boo got some perspective, and once again feels like the strong, superior creature that she is. she knows that she's loved by who matters and can dismiss those who do not.

as a little insurance (because i tend to not involve myself in kid drama) i printed all the messages and put them in a safe place, juuuussssssttttt incase something happens to come up between these girls

and.....i beat the hell out of the treadmill to ease my frustration

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

the multigenerational home has yet to be completed, however the multigenerational lifestyle is in full force

my younger brother, who is one of the loves of my life, is a single father. not by choice or a custodial fight. my nephew was abandoned by his mother 9 yrs ago when he was just 4 months old. my sisters, my mother, and i were all his primary caretakers while he was an infant and toddler and my brother was following a military path to try to create a better life for he and his son. in the years that followed, my b thought he had found a suitable mother-figure for his son, and married her. he was incorrect. the n was not abused, just not nurtured in the way that he would have been had he been with us. they divorced a few years ago.

my b returned to the tribe 2 years ago, but has been ill equipt with the tools he needs for his son. my sisters, mom, my teenagers, and i have stepped right back in as maternal role models and nurturers, but attempt to leave the bottom line responsibilities to my b.

the n has taken to acting out to include lying and sneaky behavior. while considering his muddled past as a possible contribution to this behavior, i am slow to enable him to have excuses for behavior. he is surrounded by love and good examples.

without bragging, i take the mothering of my children as quite an honor and extend that to include him. my children are 19, 17, and 15 my bonus kids are 18 and 16 and i have raised them in a laid back fashion that may resemble a hippie or european vibe. hysterical, i know, coming from a libertarian. but i feel that while competition and success are wildly important, the home is a place to feel safe and unconditionally loved. my kids all do well in school, sports, and socially. they succeed in all aspects such as being on homecoming court, varsity athletic success, part time jobs, and elections to various officer roles in their other extra-cirricular activities.

my b has given me the trust, freedom, and respect to co-parent his son in this fashion, but i've lost several years of the process while the child was not influenced by me.

i'm rambling now, mostly in frustration.

Multigenerational By Choice

 know the stigma. i don't care.

my roots are irish and cherokee

my momma is very true to her native american traditions and has been pushing for a multigenerational home since i left for the navy more than 20 yrs ago.

i am financially stable on my own with reasonable future financial plans.

several months ago, my momma moved to the town where my children and i reside and bought a huge home with 4 acres and a pool. talk about bribing the grandkids.

my brother and his young son followed soon after

i became the caretaker of two homes, by choice. it's just what i do.

i do most of the cooking at momma's and all of the cooking at my own place when we aren't sharing meals out there. my momma's cholesterol, BP, and energy levels have improved with the family around her and my healthy cooking.

she has proposed that we all make the move out there. i agreed under the condition that we all have our own space. she agreed and the home will be broken up in to 'wings,' if you will. this will allow for each adult child to have their own private space within reasonable proximity to their own children. the final sq ft will be in excess of 8200.

we broke ground on the addition a couple of weeks ago and it will even include an additional full outdoor kitchen. it will be lovely and i'm stoked

i have researched about the trends and can predict a couple of minor conflict that may occur over time. these are by far outweighed by the benefits of the multigenerational home.

anyone with current or past experience or tips, please share!